Since my last post over a month ago, a lot has happened. I've got a boyfriend, I've been in hospital with my asthma, I've moved out and my family life has gone to hell. I wrote my friend a letter tonight that I think sums up what's going on pretty well in my life.

Hey,

I just wanted to send you a pm to say Hi :) I needed a bit of a rant and you understand better than anyone at Red Cross why I'm ranting because you're kinda in the same situation as me.

Getting out of hospital on Wednesday and going straight to red cross wasn't the best idea I've ever had, but I wanted to get back to normality. I don't like sitting around when there's so much stuff I can be doing with my life. I didn't want to miss the assessments last night because of my stupid asthma. But of course I ended up putting myself at risk, and part of the reason Terry snapped at Chris was because he didn't think I was ready to be there and I was. And looking back I suppose I wasn't ready. I should've been at home sleeping. Was I wrong to want to get back to normality so soon, or should I have left it a bit longer? I learnt tonight that I don't spring back as quick as I used to.It used to be I'd have an attack l one day and be a hell of a lot better the next, but it's not like that anymore. I couldn't even get up my own stairs tonight without nearly collapsing in a heap at the top.

I know different people take different times to recover from attacks, but in your eyes do you think I should've been at Red Cross last night? I've now put Chris in the position where he wants to leave Red cross and I really don't want that to happen for my sake or his.

Sorry for offloading on you, don't feel completely obliged to reply, it was good to have a rant :)

Thanks,

Vicky x

Chris wants to take care of me, that's all fine and well for someone who wants to be taken care of, but I'm 18 for christs sake! I want to go to college and run up stairs and go and get smashed at the weekend, but I can't! I know I can't, because I went for a walk around the park tonight with him and came home and felt like shit. It's annoying and I hate it. I know full well I'm not the worst person with asthma, and I know I'm pretty damned lucky. But I see how my friends bounce back from attacks, and I want to be able to do that. It's shit. And I hate it.

Shameful

I know, I know. I'm a disgrace. But I do have a half decent excuse, honest! I think I've got about 3 big things to tell you all about!

1) I've got a boyfriend! His name's Chris and he's 21. He goes to the Red Cross with me, and is training to be a paramedic. Which made last night interesting when my chest went to hell and he attacked me with his steth and sats monitor. I wasn't impressed. But I really like him, and would love to make it last with him. I don't think he realises just how much he means to me. He gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

2) I've got a proper job! I am now a McDonalds employee. Only a student can get away with that really. I'm not sure whether I like it or not yet. I can't really keep up with it. I was on drinks last Sat. In the busiest McDonalds in town on half term, it made for an interesting day... But I'm on 9-6 on Saturday, so we shall see.

3) I passed all my first aid assessments! I'm now a qualified first aider! I got my kit last night and my ID card came in the post this week, so I'm well chuffed. I'm going on my first duty as a qualified person on Sunday, which I'm really looking forward to. It should be good!

I don't think I've any other major news. I was in London on Tuesday for Asthma UK's youth conference which was great fun. It was held in the Houses of Parliament and it was good fun. I'm going back on Tuesday coming for a Question Time with the Prime Minister which should be good fun!

Anyway, I need to do some college work, laters!

National Express

Well, I'm 18 now! Yaaaay! I know I've been uber rubbish at updating my blog, but I do have a good excuse, honest!

College has been taking up a large amount of my time. I'm generally in from about 9-4 every day and then once I get home just want to flump down and go to sleep haha. But it's good fun and I'm kind of beginning to enjoy it.

I was in Ireland for a few days just after my birthday and only got back this morning. I spent about 12 hours on a coach in the past 24hours. I left Belfast at about 5ish yesterday and got into Leciester at about 7ish this morning. It was a long journey, made worse by the fact that the bloke in the seat in front of me was pissed and flirting with the 17yo beside him. Fun times. Not. But Ireland was good fun. I went and got completely plastered with my friend and went clothes shopping with my mum, so all was good! I got a lot of new clothes, so much so I had to take a bigger suitcase home with me. It was annoying though because the damned wheels died just as I was getting on the coach in Belfast, then the handle died in Birmingham. Not cool. I was most unimpressed. So I gave up and got a taxi home. It cost me a tenner but it was worth it instead of having to try and lug that damned thing through town and from the bus stop. I got home eventually though and went straight to sleep!

I can't really remember a lot of Ireland, and it wasn't because I was drunk. I honestly don't know what happened. It's wierd. I know I spent Thurs and Sunday night with dad, Sat night with mum when I got back from town and Friday night with Nanny. It was good fun and I did have a fabby time, what I remember of it. I got a few presents aswell which was good. I got some clothes, a locket from mum, money, gift vouchers, a picture of me and mum in a frame and a digital photo frame which is currently showing my "We Must Take Our Tablets Or We Will Go Mad" picture. It's all good fun!

I'm gonna go watch telly now, laters! x

New URL

I've had to change my URL because I was scared of Joan finding it. I don't really want her to see some of the stuff that's going on because she'd get uber worried.

I'm having a bit of a low. It's shit, I've been having a really good day and now just can't be arsed. I've got college in the morning and I'm really dreading it. I'm having serious problems re-adjusting to the whole college thing. Last time I was in school I knew everyone, had friends and knew my way around the place. I'm in a brand new college and know nobody. It's shit.

I'm going to Ireland though, so it's all good.

College

I've started back at college! It's a bit mad. It's been 7 months since I did any kind of school work, and to be thrown straight back in is a bit scary. It's all good though, it gives me something to do. Even if it does exhaust me!

I'm going to Ireland! I'm going to have to get the coach, which only requires photo ID. So I can use my old passport and my college ID! It's going to take 12hours. It's a nightmare. Dearbhla is flying. It's going to take her 55 minutes. >.< That'll teach me to loose my passport!

On another note, Adori Graphics (who fabulously designed my blog) is giving away a free giveaway! It's for a rotating header and it looks fantastic! Pop over to her blog at adorigraphics.blogspot.com!

Lost

I've lost my bloody passport! I'm going to Ireland in 3 weeks and I cna't find my fucking passport. How annoying is that?! I'm gonna ring First Bus first thing in the morning and see if anyone handed it in. Then if not I need to e-mail Red Cross and see if I left it there, and as a last resort I need to ring the Police and report it missing. So uncool.

In other news, I've got a job! It's only McDonalds, but seeing as it's the middle of a recession and it's a bloody nightmare to find a job at the minute, this is very good! It's a Saturday and Sunday job, and I've got my Welcome meeting on the 9th September. I'm going to be stupidly busy the next few weeks. I've got a lot of Red Cross stuff on, Work, Ireland and Diving. Madness!

Anyway, I can't be arsed to type anymore!

Toodles!

Looking Up

Things are finally starting to look up. I think I've managed to get my depression under control, cause I'm not as down all the time or suicidal as I was. I can get out of bed in the morning and not wonder why I bother. This is good :) And I like it. I've found a flat I like aswell and I'm going to go speak to connexions on Monday and see what they say! I'm starting college in September and stuff, so I'll have stuff to do again. I'm really looking forward to it, I've missed school!

It's Dearbhla's birthday on Friday, I can't wait. I'm probably more excited about it than she is lol. She's at camp this week, so I've had time to sort everything out. It's all good! I'm looking forward to it all, it should be good fun! We're going back to Ireland in September, and I can't wait. I can't wait to see my mates and family. I miss them loads, and am quite homesick at the minute, spec for my friends. I think it's because they're all starting 6th year in September and I'm not. I'm hopefully going to be home for their last day though, it would mean a lot if I could get home for it!

Anyways, I'm off to sleep! Night!