Lesson for this week? Woks are Dangerous

As the title says, My mammy learned the hard way last night that woks are dangerous. James was over last night (will explain all about what's going on with James and mum at another time, too long winded) and he had put the wok on the stove and forgot about it. Thus setting the wok on fire, making the kitchen roll catch fire. Mum grabbed both, dropped the kitchen roll in the hall making a hole in the hall floor and giving herself 2nd degree burns to her right hand in the process. Impressive? I thought so aswell. So there's now a massive burn mark in the hall lino that's been covered with a rug and smoke marks up the kitchen ceiling. Needless to say my lungs weren't impressed and I spent most of last night coughing. Rawr.




But I'm over in nanny's for the day so mum and James can spend some time together. Not only that but the house still smells of smoke and mum is going to have to spray a shit load of bleach spray to get rid of it and the marks that were left by the smoke on the cooker. But I got to take the quad bike out today for the first time sicne I crashed it over a year ago. I tried to get it up a steep hill and it didn't go well. I couped it and it started leaking petrol. Needless to say I nearly shite myself and had to run the 2k back to the house to get my uncle and other uncle to go rescue it. Nanny and Pappy are away this week so I took my oppurtunity and took it for a quick spin around some of the fields. It felt great to get that sense of freedom and power back. As you can see from the photo, the quad isn't just a little kids toy, it can hit about 40kph.



These are some pics of where I live. Most people can't believe I live in the arse end of nowhere and on a farm. He's your proof :P







You can't live on a farm without the obligatory tractor or pile of cow shite.


I think I've gotten used to being home now. I'm going to my old years Graduation Prom on Tuesday night. I can't fucking wait. Oooooh more gossip. Me and Chris are no more. His controlling behaviour just got too much and we're now officially over. It's weird. But I feel a lot better for it because it was just getting too much and now I don't have to worry about every little thing I do upsetting him. But now I can go to the debs with my best friend Laura, dance all night, not come home until 5am and have a fantastic night. It will be brilliant! :D

But this has been a silly long blog post, and I can't be arsed typing anymore. I'll do another post during the week maybe :)

2009 in a nutshell

Well, Seeing as I've been a rubbish blogger and really can't be arsed doing a big feck off blogpost, I thought I'd do like an in a nutshell thing of 2009!

January
I had the row with James that changed everything, and moved to England on the 31st January 2009!
February
I started learning how to do things reasonably for myself. I still had Emma and Alison to help, but I did some of it on my own. I got the income support and stuff started. Don died so I had to go back to Ireland for a few days.
March
Went back to Ireland for a few days to see family.
September *done a skip, not much happened for 6 months! :P*
My 18th! And I started college again. I went back to Ireland for a few days after my 18th and started my GCSE course at college.
October
Moved into my own place! Started going out with Chris and learned how to use a washing machine!
November
Ended up in hospital with my asthma. Everything started going downhill with college attendance.
December
Christmas! Ended up in hospital again a few days before I went to Ireland which was annoying. Went back to Ireland and learned exactly why I left. Stupid stepdad ruining everything.
January
Backk from Ireland for 4 days, and yep you guessed it, back in hospital. But this time in a different one, so was seen by a reasonable doctor and managed to snag a side room. Result! Started being seen by a specialist center and things have started looking up on the asthma front. Had my first huge money worry when I didn't have enough money to pay my rent, but got that sorted!

I think in the past year I've changed a lot. I have had to learn to do a lot for myself and I think it's made me a much more mature person than I was. I've started to learn when I need to ask for help which is a huge deal for me. Getting a proper boyfriend and making the relationship last more than a week was a big deal for me aswell. Chris is fantastic and I wouldn't have been able to do the past few months without him. The past 12 months has taught me that I need my friends more than I thought. Because sometimes your family can let you down. It's when that happens that your true friends show who they are, and for the people that have stuck by me, I'll never forget you.

Long time no blog.

Today is now Friday. In my eyes it's still Thursday. Does that give you some kind of indication just how screwed up my sleep patterns are? I'm meant to be in college in 4 hours. I think the term is "I'm Screwed." Just thought that would make for an interesting start!

It's been a bit of a shit November. I know I posted on the 20th, but it was a bit of a rubbish post if I'm honest, so I'd better fill people in on what's actually happening in my life. In a month I left where I was living, moved into a house with 5 other people, been in hospital with my asthma and been faced with a disciplinery in college. It's all going a bit pear shaped at the minute!

First of all, Moving out! Well the fight that had been coming between me and Emz finally happened. I think it had been coming for a while. It just wasn't meant to work out I don't think. Me and her mum were never going to see eye to eye. I got major pissed off though when her mum accused me of breaking her laptop. I nearly screamed at her. So the outcome of that one was that my grandparents bought her another one. But I moved into a big house with 5 other people. My room's quite small, but I like it. It's a nightmare to keep tidy though lol and I'm having to learn how to use a washing machine which is always fun considering I've done my own washing about 4 times in my life. But I'm getting there, slowly but surely I'm learning that I'm not as immature as people see me.

So yea, hospital lol. I think it had been building up, and I probably should've gone in sooner, because my sats were to be honest, shit lol. They did two Arterial Blood Gases, which incase you don't know, hurt like hell. They left me with the worlds most impressive bruises. I stayed in for 2 nights and then got home. I wasn't very happy though that I wasn't able to bounce straight back to doing everything that I wanted to, i.e college. I see Emz and wonder why I can't do what she does and just go straight back to full health after being in hospital. It's shit, and it took a lot for me to just sit in bed and rest. Anyone that knows me knows how hard it is for me to be calm. Having to ask for help was a fucking nightmare for me, and I plan on not having to do it again.

This week has been a bit shit. My asthma was playing havoc for 2 days, so was off college. Went in on wednesday then on Wednesday night/Thursday morning started vomiting so was off Thursday. Today is going to be fun considering I've had no sleep. I've got a meeting tomorrow night with the youth club I volunteer at then I'm coming home and going to bed. I'm on duty on Saturday, at a Christmas meal on Sat Night, then on duty again on Sunday morning, so it's going to be a fun weekend!

It's all good though, because my dearest boyfriend is going to be there! :D

Shameful

I know, I know. I'm a disgrace. But I do have a half decent excuse, honest! I think I've got about 3 big things to tell you all about!

1) I've got a boyfriend! His name's Chris and he's 21. He goes to the Red Cross with me, and is training to be a paramedic. Which made last night interesting when my chest went to hell and he attacked me with his steth and sats monitor. I wasn't impressed. But I really like him, and would love to make it last with him. I don't think he realises just how much he means to me. He gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

2) I've got a proper job! I am now a McDonalds employee. Only a student can get away with that really. I'm not sure whether I like it or not yet. I can't really keep up with it. I was on drinks last Sat. In the busiest McDonalds in town on half term, it made for an interesting day... But I'm on 9-6 on Saturday, so we shall see.

3) I passed all my first aid assessments! I'm now a qualified first aider! I got my kit last night and my ID card came in the post this week, so I'm well chuffed. I'm going on my first duty as a qualified person on Sunday, which I'm really looking forward to. It should be good!

I don't think I've any other major news. I was in London on Tuesday for Asthma UK's youth conference which was great fun. It was held in the Houses of Parliament and it was good fun. I'm going back on Tuesday coming for a Question Time with the Prime Minister which should be good fun!

Anyway, I need to do some college work, laters!

National Express

Well, I'm 18 now! Yaaaay! I know I've been uber rubbish at updating my blog, but I do have a good excuse, honest!

College has been taking up a large amount of my time. I'm generally in from about 9-4 every day and then once I get home just want to flump down and go to sleep haha. But it's good fun and I'm kind of beginning to enjoy it.

I was in Ireland for a few days just after my birthday and only got back this morning. I spent about 12 hours on a coach in the past 24hours. I left Belfast at about 5ish yesterday and got into Leciester at about 7ish this morning. It was a long journey, made worse by the fact that the bloke in the seat in front of me was pissed and flirting with the 17yo beside him. Fun times. Not. But Ireland was good fun. I went and got completely plastered with my friend and went clothes shopping with my mum, so all was good! I got a lot of new clothes, so much so I had to take a bigger suitcase home with me. It was annoying though because the damned wheels died just as I was getting on the coach in Belfast, then the handle died in Birmingham. Not cool. I was most unimpressed. So I gave up and got a taxi home. It cost me a tenner but it was worth it instead of having to try and lug that damned thing through town and from the bus stop. I got home eventually though and went straight to sleep!

I can't really remember a lot of Ireland, and it wasn't because I was drunk. I honestly don't know what happened. It's wierd. I know I spent Thurs and Sunday night with dad, Sat night with mum when I got back from town and Friday night with Nanny. It was good fun and I did have a fabby time, what I remember of it. I got a few presents aswell which was good. I got some clothes, a locket from mum, money, gift vouchers, a picture of me and mum in a frame and a digital photo frame which is currently showing my "We Must Take Our Tablets Or We Will Go Mad" picture. It's all good fun!

I'm gonna go watch telly now, laters! x

Looking Up

Things are finally starting to look up. I think I've managed to get my depression under control, cause I'm not as down all the time or suicidal as I was. I can get out of bed in the morning and not wonder why I bother. This is good :) And I like it. I've found a flat I like aswell and I'm going to go speak to connexions on Monday and see what they say! I'm starting college in September and stuff, so I'll have stuff to do again. I'm really looking forward to it, I've missed school!

It's Dearbhla's birthday on Friday, I can't wait. I'm probably more excited about it than she is lol. She's at camp this week, so I've had time to sort everything out. It's all good! I'm looking forward to it all, it should be good fun! We're going back to Ireland in September, and I can't wait. I can't wait to see my mates and family. I miss them loads, and am quite homesick at the minute, spec for my friends. I think it's because they're all starting 6th year in September and I'm not. I'm hopefully going to be home for their last day though, it would mean a lot if I could get home for it!

Anyways, I'm off to sleep! Night!

New Blog

Isn't it wicked? Adori Graphics did it for me, the link's at the bottom of the page. It's well good!

In other news, dad's been over since Monday, and went home at about 5ish this morning. It was great having him over. We did some wicked stuff together, and with Dearbhla. the first night he was here, we went and had a few games of pool, then came back and had pizza with Sinead and Dearbhla. I don't think I've ever seen Dearbhla stop eating before then. The next day we were at a complete loss as to what to do, so went to Twycross. It was brilliant, there was looaaaads of monkies, which are my favourite animal ever! That evening Dearbhla had St John, so me and dad went to Asda to get some food and walked around the highcross and then picked her up. The next day me and dad went bowling, then I had Red Cross which was fun. Dad picked me up and took me, Sinead and Dearbhla to see Harry Potter which was well good.

I love seeing dad. I see him maybe once a month, sometimes longer or shorter. Just depends really. I'l not see him again until September now which is a bit rubbish, but it's something to look forward to!

Small steps

I'm gonna do a positive post, because the last few posts have been really downbeat.

Today I went into town. I had to go to Curry's to get my laptop fixed and get dads fathers day present. Curry's told me they would re-install it and that should sort it out. OK, so get home, OK, play with it a bit, and it crashes. Shit. Tomorrow I'm dragging Dearbhla into town with me and I'm getting this damned thing either fixed or replaced. Because I don't wanna be taking a doody laptop home with me. Although, I may get dad to have a look at it if it doesn't get sorted tomorrow.

I got dad one of the old Dr Who DVD's. One of the Tom Baker era ones, and a really nice card, so it's all good. He's done a lot for me in the past year and I don't know what I would've done without him. I'm now broke, but he deserves it.

Me and Dearbhla had a really good afternoon. We were throwing Jelly Beans and Haribo's at each other and seeing who could catch them in our mouths. It was great, I was actually really happy and we were both in stitches laughing. I love Dearbhla for that, she's great at making me laugh.

So a good day all in all :)

Bad night

I’m having a bad night. And I’ve no idea why. This is the problem with depression, you go into lows, and you don’t know why. I’ve spent all night looking at my meds and wondering have I enough to do damage. And I probably do. There’s at least 100 co-codamol, and about 20 tramadol in my drawer. I’m scared. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. I keep thinking I’ve pissed people off. The people close to me like Dearbhla, Joan or dad. My friends. They say I haven’t, but I don’t know, I feel like I have. I am already getting side effects from my citalopram (anti-depressants). My heart rate has been in the 160’s all day. It’s doing my head in. It’s too hot. I’m lying in bed with a thin blanket on, my pyjama bottoms rolled up and a really light t-shirt on. It’s nearly 2am but I’m not tired. My stupid leg hurts, which gives me a reason to take pain meds. This is not good. I’ve taken 2 tramadol tonight. But I don’t know if I could take any now. I’m not in the right mind frame to be taking strong pain killers. It sounds stupid. But I know if I go near them now I’ll probably take too many. I’m trying to type loads so I keep my hands occupied, because right now I’m so unbelievably tempted to self harm. I haven’t felt like this for nearly a year. It’s pissing me off. I’m playing Majong, typing this and watching a DVD all at the same time. I can’t deal with this anymore. I feel like shit and I’ve no idea why. I’m gonna go play some more Majong, and play some more random games and hope this passes. I’ll wait until I’m stupid tired before going to sleep.