Mixed Emotions

It's been a bit of a strange day. I was having a really good day, up until about 5PM, when I found out someone in my year had a stroke and died. I cant' believe it, she was my age. she was out with friends last night, and had a stroke. Got sent to Cavan Intensive care, had another one and was declared Brain Dead. Her family had to turn off her ventilator. I don't know how I would be able to do that. It would be the worst thing in the world. She was 17. She should've been getting ready to start her Leaving Cert, going out with friends, getting laid dammit! Not having a stroke! It's not fair. As House says "Life shouldn't be random. Drug addicted old men should be dying in bus crashes, not young do gooders in love." And he's totally right. It's not fair.

In other news, I'm heading back to Ireland tomorrow. I'm not sure what I think of it. I know it will be good for Dearbhla to have some space for a week, but going home is hard. It's bringing up all the emotions I've been trying to put to the back of my head. Everything that happened just gets brought back to the front of my head. I get worse flashbacks, nightmares and everything just gets multiplied by about 10. It's hard. I know I have to go home though, because I can't keep running from everything for the rest of my life. I've booked flights for me and Dearbhla to go home in September for my birthday. Going home for a good time hopefully, if nothing happens that is.

I just found out one of my best mates boyfriends wants to admit himself to a pysch hospital. I'm really worried about him, as much as he does my head in, he's still a really nice bloke, and doesn't deserve half the stuff that has happened to him.

Hope he's OK.